S03E37 WHEN SOMEONE DINGS YOUR SELF ESTEEM PART 1

How do we feel when someone makes us question our self worth, our physical attractiveness, or damages our confidence? As a plastic surgeon we have a unique responsibility to our patients, who are often at their most vulnerable when they come to us for our opinions.

Part 1 discusses a situation I encountered last week with a patient whose self-esteem got dinged, and future episodes will talk about other situations in the gym and elsewhere where this can also occur.

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2023.03.15 S03E37 WHEN SOMEONE DINGS YOUR SELF ESTEEM PART 1

[00:00:00]

Sam Rhee: Today's podcast is about subtle and not so subtle situations where someone dings your self-esteem, part one. The idea of this podcast started this past week when a patient had told me, that they had seen two other plastic surgeons before me who had suggested procedures for flaws they did not even ask about.

The patient came in asking about liposuction of the abdomen and love handles, and one plastic surgeon that the patient talked to pushed for a tummy tuck and the other plastic surgeon pushed for gluteal fat transfer, also known as a Brazilian butt lift. These plastic surgeons were pointing out all of these flaws that the patient hadn't even perceived about their belly, about their butt, pointing out these hip dips that the patient did not even know they had.

And after these consultations, the patient left wondering if their butt looked really unaesthetic or if their belly was [00:01:00] really ugly. The patient began to doubt themselves and they actually significantly decreased self-esteem after meeting with these plastic surgeons. And when this patient came and talked to me and asked me, how does my body really look? I never really thought I had problems in these areas. I just wanted to reduce my love handles and the size of my belly a little bit.

I had to point out to the patient, if the patient didn't have these issues beforehand, if they didn't have these issues now.

I thought the patient's figure was perfectly fine and the goals were perfectly reasonable, nevermind what these other plastic surgeons thought they saw.

A lot of these consultations are in the guise of helping the patient, but most of the time it's obviously about making more money or more insidiously, a plastic surgeon is projecting their own personal opinions onto a patient. Now, I know we make a living off of people's insecurities. And I have had patients tell [00:02:00] me many times that plastic surgeons will often point out perceived physical flaws or issues that they did not even know that they had.

Sometimes these plastic surgeons are actually very well meaning. They want to help the patient achieve a great look. But whether that look is a plastic surgeon's personal opinion, or if they're actually keeping the patient's best interest in mind can be a little bit of a challenge.

Even when a patient asks, you're the expert, what do you think?

There are some things that we as plastic surgeons have to think about. Sometimes plastic surgeons will think their opinion of what is beautiful or aesthetic is more important than the patient's, and that's where things can really go wrong, even if the plastic surgeon means well.

Ultimately, after everything is done, the judge of beauty will always be the patient themselves, and by focusing on what the patient's goals are and if those goals are achievable in a reasonable fashion, that's what the plastic surgeon's [00:03:00] responsibility really is.

I know we all make mistakes as plastic surgeons, but I personally am very careful to try to not project my personal standards of beauty onto a patient, or play into a patient's insecurities. I generally will go into a consultation with two main thoughts in my head.

One, if this was my mother or another relative, what would I tell them?

And number two, I try to keep in mind that my job is to provide as much information about what is technically possible, and what the benefits and risks are involved with any possible procedure.

It does help to tease out more information sometimes to address the root cause of a patient's issue.

If I understand why a patient is seeking a particular procedure or why they want to change some aspect of their body, that can help me offer the procedure that would help them achieve their goal the most.

But there's a balance. It is important that I try not to dig too much or judge their reasons or rationale, but sometimes a little more information can be [00:04:00] helpful in guiding a patient to the right choice for them.

Sometimes in discussion with the patient, we come to the conclusion that the operation they want may not achieve the result that they are seeking. Usually the best way to achieve this is to discuss each operation, and oftentimes the patient themselves will come to that conclusion after learning about what the operation does or could actually do for them.

So anytime you're in a situation, especially one like meeting a plastic surgeon, where you somehow feel less empowered, less confident, and your self-esteem goes down, maybe that's a warning sign that this isn't the best situation for you. I would hope that after a consultation, my patients feel like they have way more information about the procedures

they're interested in, a good sense of the choices available to them, and the ability and feeling that they can make the choice in an informed way that will help them achieve their goals. And these are generally very positive feelings. Even if they understand afterwards that maybe plastic surgery is not the [00:05:00] solution for them, hopefully they feel better that they can move on to other options or solutions that may work in terms of achieving their goals. At least that's always my goal with a consultation.

A lot of times I also have to reassure patients that problems that they have are not as huge as they perceive. They may think of themselves as ugly or monstrous, but I do discuss with them that many people look exactly like them or struggle with very similar appearance issues. And they actually look much better than they might think they do.

Next week, I'll be talking about similar situations in the gym as a coach or interacting with other athletes. Also, there are certain situations where I will call out and challenge people even if it does risk dinging their self-esteem. Thanks a lot for listening and watching. I really appreciate the feedback that everyone is giving me.

If you have any other questions, thoughts, situations that are similar that you'd like to share with me, please let me know on [00:06:00] Instagram @BotoxandBurpeesPodcast.

Thanks very much and have a great day.