S03E52 Resilience after Failure - Managing Pressure and Disappointment in Sports Competition

Ever felt like you've let your teammates down in a competition? That sinking feeling can be haunting. Join me as I share my own experiences of failing my partners in both golf and CrossFit competitions, and the valuable lessons (hopefully) that I've learned from these setbacks.

From a golf tournament where my confidence hit rock bottom to a local CrossFit event where my nerves got the best of me, I discuss how to bounce back from failure and embrace the next challenge with a stronger mindset.

Focusing on the importance of practice and repetition in building a competitive edge, we delve into the value of performing under pressure, and how cultivating this skill can make all the difference in sports and life.

Feel free to share your own stories and advice on overcoming pressure and failures by connecting on YouTube and Instagram. Let's turn our setbacks into stepping stones for success.

The weekly thankful focuses on of all things - a social media app that might actually help us see the "Real" side of our friends and family!

#thoughtfulplasticsurgery #podcast #plasticsurgery #cosmeticsurgery #boardcertified #plasticsurgeon #beauty #aesthetic #botoxandburpeespodcast @crossfittraining @crossfit #crossfit #sports #exercise #health #movement #crossfitcoach #clean #fitness

00:00 Lessons From Failing Partners in Sports

07:26 Lessons From Self-Destructing in Competitions

16:15 Social Media and Connection

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S03E52 Resilience after Failure - Managing Pressure and Disappointment in Sports Competition

Sam Rhee: [00:00:00] Today's podcast is about lessons from sports and life: failing a partner and overcoming pressure. I'm going to open this episode with a quote from LeBron James:

" I hate letting my teammates down. I know I'm not going to make every shot. Sometimes I try to make the right play, and if it results in a loss, I feel awful. I don't feel awful because I have to answer questions about it. I feel awful in that locker room because I could have done something more to help my teammates win."

Have you ever been in an athletic competition where your teammates depended on you and you failed?

Where you expected to perform under pressure but you didn't?

Letting a partner down in athletic competition is probably one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced personally in sports. Those losses sting and linger much longer than any other types of wins or accomplishments ever do for me.

Of course, I realize that success isn't always possible and any athlete, whether recreational or serious, understands that you have to shrug off your failures and move on to the next [00:01:00] challenge. And certainly over the years I've learned to take my losses in stride.

But it's one thing to fail all by yourself when you are unable to accomplish your own goals. For me, it's different when someone is depending on you to perform in the moment.

And if you can't come through for them, especially when you know you should have, at least for me, those moments are harder to forget.

This podcast idea came up because I played in a golf tournament a couple weeks ago, and to cut to the chase, on the last day, I failed my partner miserably, and that experience actually reminded me of another competition, a local CrossFit competition that I did a couple years ago where I also failed my partner miserably.

And so I wanted to talk about why I failed, how I felt about it, and what I decided to do about it. Also, I'm soliciting advice. If you have any good advice for me, I'd be glad to hear it.

Now, to open, I never play golf. I've maybe played five rounds in the past 10 years, but I did play some in high school, so I [00:02:00] know a little bit about the game.

This particular golf tournament was over three days. The golfers were split into two teams and you had a different team golf partner every day. So you and your partner competed against two other golfers from the other team.

The first day was a scramble format where you and your partner would each hit a ball, and then you would choose the best hit ball. And then both partners would hit again from that best ball location.

And as a very inconsistent golfer to say the least, this format relieved a lot of pressure off of me. I didn't have to worry that my poor shot would necessarily hurt us as long as my partner hit a better ball than me, which almost always happened. I was paired with a really good golfer and he basically carried us to an easy win.

I hit a ton of awful shots, but it didn't matter much. And a couple times I was even able to make a putt or two to help our team

On the second day, the format for the tournament was best ball. In this format, you and your partner each play your own ball and you get your own [00:03:00] scores for each hole.

You take the best score between you and your partner and you match it up against the best score for the other team.

Again, this was a relatively pressure free format for me. My partner was a good golfer, and I was actually able to help for a few holes because my handicap was so high that the number of strokes they gave me actually allowed me to tie or win a hole or two.

Now on the last day, we played an alternate shot format.

In this situation, both golfers tee off and then you choose one of the tee shots. Then each golf partner alternates hitting the ball. So for example, if my partner Bill and I each hit a tee shot and Bill's shot was better than mine, I would then have to hit the next shot from Bill's tee shot.

Then Bill would have to hit the next ball wherever I hit the ball. And then we would keep alternating until we put the ball into the hole. And this is where the pressure cooker started. [00:04:00] Knowing my partner would have to play my ball wherever it landed. That stress started to get to me as we continued to play.

The first couple holes were not too bad. I was paired again with a great golfer, and I managed to hit a couple decent shots at first.

And we were actually tied versus the other two golfers going up until the ninth hole. But after that, the wheels came off for me. I hit two shots in a row where I topped the ball and it would roll maybe 10 or 15 feet. My partner was very patient, but I realized what a burden I was becoming with every mishit ball.

My confidence started to plummet. I got into my own head and I tensed up every time I hit. There were two putts that I needed to put at least close to the hole so that my partner could sink them, and I left him with six foot plus putts instead of the one to two feet that I needed to give him. So not surprisingly, we ended up losing with about three holes left.

My partner was very gracious and patient. But of course everyone who plays in a tournament has a competitive mindset, [00:05:00] and it was obvious had I not folded under pressure, we could have pulled it off.

This gnawed at me for a couple days. Again, it's such an awful feeling to have known you could have done better, but your nerves and lack of grace under pressure, did you in.

This golfing failure reminded me vividly of a similar time a couple years ago. I signed up for a local CrossFit competition with a very fit partner, and from what I remember, the competition was three or four events over the course of a weekend morning. And there were competitors from all over New Jersey.

We were doing really well in our division to start. There was one workout with sandbags over shoulders that really put us into contention. I remember we had practiced that one beforehand because it felt really awkward to wrap your arms around the sandbag and pick it up and throw it over your shoulder. But in competition, we did much better than expected, especially my partner, where the sandbag was nearly as heavy as she was.

By the time we got to the last workout of the day, we were neck and neck with [00:06:00] another team for third place. The top three teams would go on to do a last final playoff workout that would determine the winner.

This last workout itself, I don't specifically remember, except for the fact that it included double unders. Double unders is a jump rope movement where you pass the jump rope twice under your feet each time.

Now, back then, at the time, I was relatively decent, but not awesome at double unders, but I wasn't overly worried.

So when the workout started, I felt that we were ready to do well. And again, as always, at the beginning, things went smoothly, but as the number of double unders started increasing, I started to trip up on the jump rope more and more. And my partner couldn't do anything but watch and wait for her turn as I kept tripping up. A crowd of athletes from my gym were cheering me on, but they grew quiet as I kept stumbling and whipping myself with the rope.

It was exactly how I imagined my worst CrossFit nightmare would be. And finally, after an eternity, the workout [00:07:00] was done.

It turned out that if I had done even half decent on that workout, we would've beaten the other team for third place, and we would've gone on to the playoff workout. But my abysmal performance meant all I could do was apologize to my gracious partner.

And feel awful that I let her down after her amazing performances that day. And we sat there and watched as the other three teams competed for the podium.

So here's another example where I self-destructed, taking down a partner. In one case it was golfing. In another case it was a CrossFit competition. So after this, I was thinking, are there any lessons that I could take away from these two awful moments?

Well, let's look at the obvious ones. Number one, I should have practiced more. I should have practiced golf, and I should have practiced double unders. Yes, obviously to both. Now in regards to double unders, there was no excuse. I was just overconfident in my ability.

For me, double unders is more of a rhythm and skill challenge than [00:08:00] it is testing aerobic capacity.

Learning that rhythm and skill of double unders was a challenge for me initially, and it took me six months to learn how to do them. And I should have realized that the ability to do them isn't always rock solid. When I get nervous, I start going too fast on the jump rope, and then everything breaks down, and that's exactly what happened in the competition.

Even though it looks ridiculous to this day. I pull out two jump ropes every time I do double unders. I have a longer rope, which I warm up with to force myself to slow down. And then when it comes to the workout, I switch to the shorter jump rope, but still remind myself to keep that slower and steadier rhythm.

So I guess the one bright point that I have from this double under fiasco is that I never have had a major problem again with double unders, and I learned my lesson.

So for golf, it's a different story. I don't love golf the way some athletes do. It's enjoyable, but it takes a ton of time to [00:09:00] practice and play. 18 holes, as you know, is a four or five hour endeavor. And to perfect your swing takes many, many repetitions and practice.

And to me, at the end of the day, I'm not sure what benefit I would be getting from practicing golf so much. At least with CrossFit. I know I'm getting fitter.

I suppose golf is better than no exercise at all, but there's a lot more in my life that I prioritize than practicing golf. But then that puts me in a little bit of a dilemma. If I don't want to practice, then I should expect that I won't play well or at least consistently well. But then every time there's a golf outing or a tournament where I'm playing with a partner, I may let them down again.

So do I just continue to expect that I'll do poorly? Do I just avoid golfing altogether? How much practice would I need in order for me not to implode on the golf course?

I don't know the answer to these questions and I'm still processing it. I'll let you know once I figure it out, but I'll take any advice that anyone gives.

My second takeaway from [00:10:00] these experiences is that I truly believe there is a competitive mindset, which can be and needs to be practiced. That is the ability to shut out distractions, stay focused, and to perform under pressure.

And this competitive mindset is useful in sports, life, work, you name it. In CrossFit, I've learned a lot about maintaining a competitive mindset, but that's only come through a lot of practice. I've had 10 years of Open workouts, quarterfinal workouts, local competitions, our gym's intramural competitions, even everyday workouts.

There have been many opportunities for me to learn how to dig deeper within myself, how to focus at the task at hand, and execute as well as I can in pressure situations. And so this jump rope failure was just one of many learning experiences in CrossFit for me.

Now in golf, the mindset is completely different in that you have all the time in the world to think versus CrossFit, where you have no [00:11:00] time at all.

In CrossFit, the workouts are quick and frantic. It's high adrenaline and fast movements. There's almost no time to think and a lot of it is really about going to a dark place and staying there for as long as you can.

In golf, you have a seeming eternity before every shot where you can overthink what you're doing, have every negative stray thought freeze up and lock your muscles.

Performance pressure in golf is about keeping the right thoughts in your head, relaxing and clearing the stress, and allowing yourself the ability to execute each shot properly. And again, learning this skill does take time and repetitions for most athletes.

As much as I tried to find that performance mindset on the golf course, my negativity overwhelmed me when I realized I didn't have enough in my golf game to trust when I needed to execute. And again, if I wanna do better, I'd have to practice a lot more.

The last thing that I could take away from this is that I need to realize that nobody really [00:12:00] cares if I succeed or fail. The only person that all this really matters for is me.

There's a t-shirt saying that I see a lot. It says, Nobody cares. Try harder. Successful people fail, a lot. Like LeBron James said, he hates letting his teammates down. But if he does, I'm sure he moves on to the next play. The past is over. Next shot, next workout. Keep moving forward.

Both my partners are probably way past thinking about these failures, which I keep obsessing over. They probably don't even remember what happened, or at least I really hope that they don't.

And I admit I'm using this podcast to try to stick a fork in these memories, process them and to move on because I know that's what successful people do.

So at this point, after doing a post-mortem on my performances on the golf course and in the gym, I realize there's never any substitute for practice. I'm not talented enough to get by on innate skill or talent on just about anything.

And if I care about a competitive [00:13:00] activity, I know I'll have to practice it. Or maybe I shouldn't be focusing on it at all.

I know developing a performance mindset takes time, and there are different types of performance mindsets for different activities, and standing over a putt for two minutes is way different than trying to grind out a few more burpees or hit a max clean and jerk.

And lastly, I know I should probably take a little bit of a lighter touch if I don't perform as well as I would like in a competitive setting with a partner. Being a grouch brings down those around me when these are supposed to be fun and enjoyable activities.

I have now given myself a future rule where I will apologize once to my partner if I don't do as well as I had hoped, and then to let it go as best as I can.

Have you ever competed with a partner and not done as well as you hoped, whether it be golf, CrossFit, another sport, anything? What do you do to maintain that performance mindset? Any advice, [00:14:00] guidance, or your thoughts are welcomed.

So this week's Thankful is the BeReal app. BeReal is a social media app for smartphones. Now, it may seem weird that I would be thankful for a smartphone app. Especially a social media app when these seem to be taking too much of our attention these days.

But this app BeReal has helped me connect better with my family and close friends.

So BeReal notifies you once a day that you have two minutes. In that two minute period, you take a picture. That picture includes a selfie and a simultaneous forward facing picture. And then the app posts that and sends it to your friends. It happens once a day. After it's done, no more posts.

If you don't make it within that two minute period and you post late, you can still take that picture, but your friends will know at what time you posted it.

So the goal of the app is to see an unfiltered, spontaneous glimpse of what you're doing every day and then share it with others.

This [00:15:00] is the opposite of most social media apps where the pictures are very curated and everything is very calculated.

I started the BeReal app just with my kids in the hopes that I would see what they were doing every day, and they could see what I was doing every day, and we could connect.

Unfortunately, they ended up adding a lot of their casual high school friends to the app, which meant they started to become reluctant to post pictures where they weren't looking their best and they stopped using BeReal pretty quickly.

In any case, their high school generation seems to prefer Snap, which they use an unholy amount as far as I can tell. Their snap notifications on their phone seem to go off every 10 seconds.

But the unexpected bright side to the BeReal app is that my other relatives, including my nephew in college and my brother who lives in Ohio, both friended me on BeReal, and they post pretty timely. I also try to post as timely as I can, except when I'm at work.

So this way we get to see a little bit of each other's lives every day. Most of the time it's pretty [00:16:00] boring stuff. Eating, watching tv, maybe studying or working at the office, playing video games, lying in bed, stuff that we wouldn't want the whole world to see, but the little parts of our lives that make me feel closer to them.

I know most of us overuse social media apps and they can definitely be unhealthy, but sometimes the power to connect us can be great.

If you have a social media app that you find really helpful for connecting to people, and it isn't Facebook, Instagram, or Snap, let me know. DM me @BotoxAndBurpeesPodcast on Instagram. Or leave a comment at youtube.com/@BotoxAndBurpees, and don't forget to like and subscribe wherever you get this podcast.

Thank you.