S05E98 The Empathy Edge: What AI Chatbots Teach Us About Listening

Join host Sam Rhee on this episode as he explores the surprising empathy skills of AI chatbots and what we can learn from them to become better listeners. Drawing from Jamil Zaki's insights, we discuss how chatbots like ChatGPT often outperform humans in making people feel heard and understood.

He explains how chatbots avoid common human mistakes by focusing on the other person, validating their feelings, and asking follow-up questions, rather than jumping to solutions or sharing personal anecdotes.

Sam also highlights the practical applications of these skills in both personal and professional settings, while acknowledging the limitations of AI empathy. Tune in for valuable tips on how to enhance your listening skills and create more meaningful connections.

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S05E98 The Empathy Edge: What AI Chatbots Teach Us About Listening

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00]

Sam Rhee: Hi, welcome to Botox and Burpees. I'm Sam Rhee. And today's episode is about the surprising empathy skills of AI chatbots and what we as human beings can learn from chatbots to become better listeners. I read an article written by Jamil Zaki, a psychology professor at Stanford University, in a recent Wall Street Journal article.

He talks about how those large language models, yes, such as chat GPT that you've been hearing so much about, are actually outdoing humans at making people feel heard and understood. Intriguing, right?

Well, let's set an example scene. Picture this. You've taken a break from work for a few years to start a family, and now you're ready, or maybe not so ready, to jump back into your career.

You're anxious, you're feeling unmotivated, and you decide to share your worries with your friends. And your friends respond.

And friend one says, I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I [00:01:00] can understand how anxiety and insecurity can make it hard to take that next step. You have valuable skills, though, and experience that can benefit any employer. And you deserve to feel fulfilled in your career.

Friend 2 says, Oh, I've struggled with the same problem, and the best way to tackle it is to jump right in and give it your best. Now ask yourself, which response felt more compassionate and more attentive? Of course, chances are you picked Friend 1. And, of course, not surprisingly because of this topic, it's actually from a chatbot.

So how big is this empathy gap between humans and AI? Well, first of all, it's not anecdotal. There are multiple studies where people have rated chatbot responses as more caring, more empathetic, and more helpful than those from humans.

For example, a study in JAMA Internal Medicine showed that patients with medical concerns prefer chatbot replies over a real doctor's response a [00:02:00] whopping 80 percent of the time.

And while as a physician myself, my collective physician ego is probably hurt, since I've worked a lot with other physicians, I'm actually surprised that it's not more often.

and another study from communication psychology, researchers found crisis chatbot responses were seen as more compassionate than those from trained hotline crisis responders.

And so this raises a big question. How on earth are chatbots beating humans on empathy?

They're not even human, and of course, they can't even feel emotion. So why might chatbots seem to be better listeners?

Well, the first theory that researchers had was that chatbots have virtually unlimited time. So they could devote themselves fully to each person's issue.

Meanwhile, busy physicians or crisis line volunteers are stretched thin. But the research study showed that time alone isn't the real reason For AI [00:03:00] Advantage.

In a 2024 paper from Harvard Business School participants who were incentivized to provide thoughtful, empathetic responses still couldn't match chat GPT's level of perceived compassion, even though these subjects spent more time trying.

So if it's not time or incentives, what is it? According to the research, chatbots simply avoid the common mistakes we humans make when we try to help. We focus on ourselves. We shift the spotlight by sharing our similar experience even if we're just trying to relate.

We jump right to problem solving. We rattle off solutions without first validating how the other person feels. Chatbots by design don't do this. They have no personal stories to tell, no eagerness to fix your problem, no ego to protect. Instead, they take the time to paraphrase what you've said, showing that they're paying [00:04:00] attention. They validate your feelings.

They ask follow up questions to dig deeper into your experience. Basically, they make it all about you.

What are the pitfalls of our good intentions? Let's be honest. When someone we care about is hurting, our first instinct is often to either cheer them up, or hand them advice. I know many people close to me who do exactly that. Of course we mean well, but it can come off as dismissive. It might also minimize the other person's struggle or shift the conversation onto their own experiences.

Chatbots, on the other hand, don't need to prove themselves or share a personal anecdote or even skip to a bunch of solutions. They effortlessly keep the focus where it belongs, on the person who needs support. Zaki's article describes one technique that makes a difference, called looping for understanding.

You basically repeat what the person said in your own words, then check to see if you've captured it correctly. [00:05:00] Do I have that right? It shows you're truly listening. This is a technique that we actually learned in our first patient communications course, way back in medical school.

And I think Dale Carnegie also uses a similar technique when teaching people how to speak to others. Interestingly, chatbots do this naturally. And humans need to learn it.

So how can we capitalize on empathy in the workplace? Empathy isn't just a feel good tool for your family and friends.

Research shows that when managers and employers are good listeners, employees are more loyal, engaged, and productive.

That means the same chatbot skills of paraphrasing, validating, and following up are powerful at the office, too.

But let's be real. Nobody wants to feel like they're talking to a robot. It's about weaving these skills into a genuine human interaction. We all want to know that we're listened to. But we also want to sense that that other [00:06:00] person truly cares.

So what are the limits of AI empathy? By now, you might wonder, are chatbots set to replace human listeners entirely? Not quite. There are a couple important caveats.

First, repetition and formulaic responses. Chatbots can begin to feel a bit stale or repetitive over longer conversations. A single chat might feel supportive, but after multiple interactions, you might crave more nuanced, spontaneous understanding. So don't be that.

Technical glitches and hallucinations. Chatbots sometimes respond with misinformation or stray off topic. Actually a lot like some of the people I know.

And emotional depth. Real people can share experiences, emotions, and vulnerability in ways AI cannot replicate. Chatbots don't have genuine feelings, so their empathy, while helpful, can feel limited or performative.

In fact, most people still [00:07:00] prefer waiting to talk with an actual person over an immediate conversation with a bot. Think calling customer service. But especially for emotional matters. That's because there's something uniquely beautiful about human empathy. It's coming from someone with their own limitations.

Someone who might be tired or stressed themselves, but chooses to offer comfort anyway. And that shared humanity is precious.

So what are the key takeaways we can learn from chatbots? Well, if there's a central lesson in all of this, it's that chatbots aren't empathic because they possess some kind of magical emotional intelligence.

They're empathic because they avoid the big mistakes we humans tend to make when we're trying to help others. And if we can learn to dodge those pitfalls, focusing more on the other person. validating their experience, and asking thoughtful follow ups, then we can bring a little chatbot magic into our own human conversations.

It's not about becoming [00:08:00] robotic on how we talk to people, it's about listening first, acknowledging the other person's feelings, and only then deciding together on next steps.

So that wraps up today's conversation on empathy and what chatbots can teach us about becoming better listeners. Thank you to Jamil Zaki for his insightful article, and if you're interested in learning more about his work, you can check out his latest book, Hope for Cynics, The Surprising Science of Human Goodness.

And thank you for joining me today. I hope this episode inspires you to try out a few of these chatbot inspired listening skills in your next conversation. And remember, great listening isn't just about the words we say. It's about showing others that we truly care.

I'm Sam Rhee and you've been listening to Botox and Burpees.

And if you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share with a friend who could benefit from better listening skills Take care, stay curious and keep listening. Thank you.